Guest Post: Being a feminist role model to my son
Written by Katie Dancey-Downs
The Freelance Parent is currently a free service-based newsletter aimed at helping its subscribers thrive professionally and personally. While Cat is taking some time off to have a baby, we have some brilliant guest parents stepping in each fortnight to inspire your Monday mornings. If you find this week’s issue helpful, please consider supporting the newsletter by donating £3 here and sharing with your friends. All Kofi donations will go to the guest writer.
Freelance writer Katie Dancey-Downs explains why being a role model to her young son is always at the forefront of her professional goals.
Full of baby, I was counting down the days until maternity leave. Until then, I’d felt free to chop and change jobs when the time felt right, but all that changed as soon as I said those words to my employer, “I’m pregnant.” Suddenly, I felt my freedom was limited.
I loved my job, and I had years of incredible globe-trotting opportunities. The office vibe was off the charts. The fruit bowl was always full. But sometimes you know you’re ready to switch it up, and when my role changed direction from journalism to copywriting, that time arrived. My job was still great. It was stable. It paid my bills. I love copywriting too, but it’s journalism that I’m really passionate about, and I wasn’t ready to give that up. I was stuck between wanting to follow my dreams and providing a comfortable life for my family.
When I found out I was having a baby boy, I vowed to raise a bad-ass feminist - regardless of gender. His bookshelves are lined with stories featuring all kinds of role models. Nathan Bryon’s Look Up!, Jessica Love’s Julian is a Mermaid, and my son’s personal favourite, Jonathan Van Ness’s Peanut Goes for Gold. If he wants to be a rhythmic gymnast guinea pig too, I’m more than ready to choreograph the moves.
I thought that when my baby was born, I might want to take my pedal off the gas at work. To begin with, that was true. For the first few months, I couldn’t imagine leaving him for a mere second, and the idea of going back to the office really stung. But about six months in, something changed. My ambitions were renewed. I suddenly wanted to push myself harder in my career.
It wasn’t just me I was doing it for now, it was him. I could think of no better way of setting a feminist example for my son than by doing a job that made me happy and made an impact, by showing him who his mama is. I could think of no better way of being the best mama than by being happy and creatively fulfilled. For others this might mean keeping up hobbies or sports. For me, writing words that matter is who I am.
One small problem: a global pandemic. This did not feel like a good time to go freelance. Was there any work out there in the great big freelance world? Was I about to leave a cosy job for an absolute wasteland?
But there was something comforting about making a major shift at the same time as so many other people. If it all went tits up, I wouldn’t be alone in needing a mortgage holiday or other lockdown-related financial support (although I doubt very much I would have been eligible. Thankfully I never had to check).
Once that sweet maternity pay stopped landing in my bank account, I took the plunge. There are three things that eased the process, and they are completely unfair and circumstantial. I think it’s important I acknowledge them, because I realise they’ve made a huge difference. Firstly, I have a loving partner who cheered me on in my ludicrous idea, and who has a stable income. Secondly, both sets of grandparents live nearby, and offered to help with childcare. Thirdly, I had enough savings to see me through a few months while I got going. I hope I’d have still gone freelance without these privileges, but I can’t honestly answer that. How could I know, without being in that position?
I did a few things to keep myself on track. I made a plan of what I wanted to achieve in working for myself, and how I was going to get there. I signed up to freelance writing job newsletters (and of course, The Freelance Parent) and told my contacts I was available for work. I calculated how long I could afford to support myself from my savings, and at what exact point I’d need to seriously reconsider this foolish plan. I edged closer towards that point, but in a flurry of work, I was suddenly too busy.
My workload has dipped up and down, but I’m finding a good rhythm. It’s starting to feel less like a 10 loop roller coaster with a vertical drop and more like a gentle spin on the teacup ride, where an enthusiastic attendant occasionally spins my cup a bit too ferociously. I’m learning to enjoy quieter moments and spend extra time with my son.
As he grows up, I hope he’ll see all this. I hope he’s proud that I love my work. I hope he follows that example in his own life. I hope he sees that mothers have ambitions too.
On paper, this might have been a ridiculous time to go freelance. But it worked, and it’s because I was ready. Of course I still get imposter syndrome and have the odd pang for a full-time salaried writing job, but I feel so much more fulfilled now. I want my son to have feminist role models, and I hope I can be the first.
Thanks for having me in your inbox, and lots of freelance parent love to you all.
Katie x
Katie Dancey-Downs is a freelance journalist and writer with a passion for human stories, the environment, and culture. She’s travelled the world to report on issues such as vegan activism in Toronto, regenerative farming in India, and the destruction of Sacred Natural Sites in Kenya. She’s written for Huffpost, i News, and Resurgence Magazine amongst others. She's also mum to an outrageously energetic 20-month-old.