One week left of nursery
A letter to my youngest son
It's another hot, sticky night in July and like clockwork, I hear the bedroom door click. It's you, my love. Creeping out of the cosiness of your bedroom to find solace with me yet again.
You slip beneath the covers as you always do. Head so close to mine it makes my neck sit awkwardly. But I stay here for as long as I can. Your arm is tightly gripped around my waist, and your legs loop around mine, koala style. I am hot but I cannot bear to pull you off. Not just yet.
I hold on to this moment. I breathe you in. You smell like you always do. A bit like the sea and sand. Just like you did when you were born.
You told me last week that before I became your mum you'd been swimming, just waiting for me to find you. I laughed at this comment, so beautifully profound. Had I have known that's where you were, I wouldn't have worried quite so much.
And in a blink of an eye, nearly four years later, there is only one week left of nursery. One week until your babyhood is officially over and you'll start a whole new phase of life at school where, just like your brother, you'll start to grow up.
I won't notice it at first. I'll be glad of the uninterrupted sleep. I'll feel relieved that I made it. I got you this far. But with the luxury of hindsight, I know to mark these moments. To luxuriate in your littleness that is so special and so fleeting.
I don't ever want to forget how sweet your voice is, or how it feels to be at the centre of your world. My days feel so exhausting yet I don't want them to end.
I thank my lucky stars that I get to be your mum. That I get to live a life where your beauty and value is allowed to be cherished. I think of all the mothers out there who don't get to be so lucky.
I edge you a little further away as I try to get some sleep. A little bit of distance but not far enough away that I cant hear you breathing. Yes I still check. Each and every night. I probably always will.
But for now it's time to get some rest. There's just one week left of nursery, after all.
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This is beautiful.