Why Professional Envy isn’t Always the Negative Emotion You Think It Is

Taking Control of the Green-Eyed Monster

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I have a love-hate relationship with Instagram. While there are many things I enjoy about the social media platform, I quite regularly delete it from my phone. Most recently the barrage of horrific images appearing without warning from Israel and Palestine has really affected me, but prior to these events, I’ve always been very aware of how it makes me feel. Surprise, surprise, it’s not always positive.

Like many other freelancers, I share my work on Instagram when it’s something I’m particularly proud of and want to draw attention to. I want my work to be read as much as possible, after all. Likewise, I think it’s useful for connecting with editors and colleagues, and keeping in touch with friends who I don’t see all of the time. I also know how important creating a profile can be in reflecting who you are as a journalist. But I also know how it feels to see the posts of others celebrating new roles or amazing commissions on a day when I’m not feeling so buoyant about work.

For instance, quite recently, two former colleagues started incredible in-house roles at dream publications. When I saw these appointments on social media, I felt genuinely happy for them and also inspired to see long-term freelancers secure such golden-egg positions. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I also felt a pang of envy.

For a short while I beat myself up about it. Did this jealous feeling I had in the pit of my stomach mean I was a bad person? Or was it telling me that I was going nowhere in my own career and falling short as my child-free peers soared higher and higher? While I love the work that I get to do every day and am proud of the career I’ve built, I know that I do want to challenge myself in a different way at some point – just not right now while my children are so small.

A few days later, I was reading ‘The Book You Want Everyone You Love* To Read’ by integrative psychotherapist and author, Philippa Perry. The book examines lots of different relationship challenges – from those with our friends, partners, parents and colleagues. Philippa uses letters she’s received through her role as agony aunt in the Observer as case studies. One of the letters in the section on contentment is from a woman who was dealing with intense feelings of jealousy.

While the woman said she had a good career, no money worries and a wonderful family, she had always dreamed of being a writer and felt unfulfilled. This feeling motivated her to successfully publish three books but as they hadn’t sold in the way she had hoped, she saw it as a failure. Cue her constantly comparing herself to other people and developing major feelings of envy about even the most minor of things.

“I spend my whole time obsessing over how my own work is not as good as anyone else’s,” she writes. “I work as a freelance in a creative industry and everyone’s work is out there for comparison”.

Philippa’s reply was so enlightening and after touching on the reasons for this lady having such a critical inner voice, she went on to explain how to separate envy from jealousy.

“Think of jealousy as being more like when we don’t want to share our mum with a sibling or wish evil upon those we see as our rivals,” she says. “And envy as being like when someone has something we want”. Instead of thinking of this as a bad thing, she says that we should think of it as information.

“We cannot kill the green-eyed monster, but we can reframe it,” Philippa writes. “It can be hard to work out what we want in life and envy is a feeling that can help us identify what our aspirations might be. Think of it not as a pathological condition, but a normal part of mental processing that helps us realise what we want and motivates us to go after it. Envy can be a catalyst that helps us identify and motivate ambition”.

So, while my colleagues doing brilliant things made me feel a little inadequate for a day or so, it has also served as motivation. Now that I’ve identified that it’s probably something I want at some point in my life, I can use it as a driving force for my future ambitions. It’s amazing how differently you can feel about things when you just switch your perspective.

We all feel a tug of envy from time to time or succumb to the comparison trap but next time I feel the green-eyed monster rearing its ugly head, I’ll take a step back, focus on my goals and achievements, and note what that feeling may be showing me.

I hope you can do the same.

Until next time,

Cat x